Doffing the cap: The 1980s school rule that taught me the ROI of kindness

Let me tell you about the headmaster of my secondary school. He was called Mr Fisher and he was a formidable character.  What he lacked in stature, he certainly made up with a strict approach to education. It would be fair to say students, teachers and parents alike were respectfully afraid of him.

If you attended Beverly School in the 1980s then you will know exactly what I mean.

Mr Fisher ran this state school as if it was a public boys school — strictly enforcing a uniform policy more suited for a bygone era. During the first two years at the school, it was a requirement to wear a peak cap along with the school blazer and the rest of the prescribed school uniform. Needless to say, the peak cap was less favoured by the students than the headmaster; however, he was adamant that it must be worn at all times when arriving or departing school. In fact, he would canvas the local area to ensure that every boy doffed his cap to any vehicle that had stopped for them at a zebra crossing. 

Why? For him it was a sign of respect. His reasoning was it would cost the driver money to stop for us boys (as they would expend more petrol by stopping and starting).  Therefore, the very least we could do was to say thank you, and, if we did not! Let’s put it this way, I never wished to find out.

This is one of those life's valuable lessons that you do not appreciate at the time. To this day I will still thank anybody that stops for me at a crossing, but, at the time, I did not appreciate the potency of his lesson.

How I taught my children kindness

Taking my headmaster’s life lesson forward in life I realised it was my turn to become an educator at the moment I became a father. Like every parent, I wanted my children to grow up to be fine upstanding citizens with a strong ingrained moral code, and that was my responsibility.

So, I got creative.

Karma points

My wife and I agreed that we didn't want our children to go without, but we certainly didn't want them to be spoiled, having everything they wanted. So I devised a plan that would allow our children to have the ability to attain things, but without dishing out a regular amount of pocket money each week. 

I know, shocking parenting. No pocket money!

In exchange for pocket money, my children were encouraged to perform small acts of kindness. For example, when walking to school we would return abandoned shopping trolleys discarded uncaringly across the footpath. This act would earn a karma point. Volunteering to collect donations for the Red Poppy Appeal would earn a karma point. Helping pack the groceries would earn a karma point. Placing litter in the bin. I think you get the idea.

Of course, thanks to Mr Fisher, acknowledging a driver that has stopped for us at a zebra crossing with a thanking hand gesture would definitely attain a karma point.
When enough points were collected it would earn them a treat. Be that an ice cream on a hot summer's day or the latest Lego set (if enough points had been collected).

My children learnt the value of things, i.e if you want something it has to be earned. More importantly they learnt about kindness.

How kindness translated into my work life

Like most people, I trundled through life doing the usual things until it got to the point when I decided to set up my own company. Of course, I wanted to try and do things a little differently and I wanted the values of my company to be embodied in its name.

The first company I created was called Thoughtful Web and even this started with an act of kindness from a complete stranger towards me. I was desperate to obtain the domain name thoughtfulweb.com; however, the domain housed an abandoned website.  With nothing to lose, I contacted the site owner and offered to pay for the domain. I explained that as a fledgling business I didn't have much money, but I was willing to pay what I could afford. Amazingly, the site owner replied by asking a few questions about what I was trying to achieve and then generously transferred the domain without any charge. 

He could have asked for a considerable amount of money, but he chose the gift of kindness.

From the outset, we tried to do things differently. When we got big enough to have employees, I tried to be the antithesis of an archetypal boss. Create an environment of trust and respect.

We created care packages for the homeless, raised money for a local charity, bought Easter eggs for the reception staff at our managed offices. We tried to be kind.

From Thoughtful to Kindera

In 2020, Thoughtful Web merged with another business until October 2024, when it was time for me to set up another new business. Thoughtful was a great name, but it is now in the past. I wanted another name that embodied the same values, but went beyond kindness. Enter Kindera — a digital accessibility company dedicated to making the web a more inclusive place.

As kindness has formed such an integral part of my life, it kinda made sense to create a company that, ultimately, tries to help others. 

Place kindness first

Kindness is something, I believe, we all appreciate yet we often forget to offer, and we definitely overlook its potency. In my experience, there is no need to require your gift of kindness to be 'paid forward', because recipients usually do. Kindness is infectious.

The pace of modern life will trick you into forgetting to be kind. We are too busy looking after ourselves. Too busy surviving to think of someone else. However, it is important for us to remember that a  small act of kindness, like doffing your cap, could have a lifelong impact on someone. It did to me.

Most of all. Be kind to yourself. Collect those karma points for yourself if you must, and when you have more than you need you can start paying it forward.

Thanks Mr Fisher. A little too late, but I doff my cap to you.